Most school teachers, pediatricians, daycare providers and others who work closely with children are knowledgeable about the signs and symptoms of Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). They know that the child with ADHD has more difficulty completing tasks than his peers. A teacher might notice that homework assignments are typically turned in late, or filled with sloppy errors. They know that the child with ADHD is forgetful and sometimes "spacey." An afterschool care provider might notice that a child doesn't stay "tuned in" to what her peers are doing, so is socially awkward and often has trouble keeping friends. The people who care for other people's children sometimes take the bold step of pointing out their concerns to the child's parents. "Do you think your child might have ADHD?" they ask.Click here to see our links to ADHD informationWhen a parent hears that their child is having problems in school or with peers that might be related to ADHD, the reaction is mixed. If the parent has suspected ADHD for a while, the news can be a relief. ADHD explains why it is that their child can't seem to complete chores around the house without constant reminders. ADHD explains why their child is the loudest and most disruptive child on the playground, and at the swimming pool, and at every birthday party they ever attended. Hearing that their child might have ADHD explains why all their efforts at being a good parent haven't solved their child's problems.
Hearing that their child might have ADHD is also frightening. A parent may know that ADHD can be treated with medication, so immediately starts worrying about what "being on pills" will do to their child. They anxiously recall controversial news stories about children abusing Ritalin and Dexedrine, which are the most common medications used to treat ADHD. The parents may have heard that ADHD is a brain-based disorder, so are flooded with anxiety that somehow their child is "broken" or defective, and will never be okay. Hearing that their child might have ADHD, a parent might jump ahead of themselves.
One of the most difficult problems about identifying ADHD is that many of the signs and symptoms of the disorder are also symptoms of other problems, including other psychological disorders such as Obsessive-compulsive Disorder, Depression, and Childhood Anxiety Disorders. When a parent hears that their child might have ADHD, they also need to know that sometimes typical problems in daily living and typical problems in child development can lead to ADHD-like symptoms. Although the medication treatment used for ADHD is very effective, the outcome of medication treatment can't be used to diagnose ADHD. Research studies have shown that the types of medication used to treat ADHD are often helpful to children without ADHD as well.
Children who are anxious, have low self-esteem or who have learning problems can show some of the same behavior and attention problems of children with ADHD. For example, a child with a learning disability or one who worries about "being a failure" may be unable to think about anything except how many mistakes they might make. When this child tries to finish their math homework, or do a spelling test, thoughts and worries about "doing it wrong" keep them from doing it right or doing it at all.
The anxious child may be able to do their homework perfectly when a parent or teacher sits right next to them, because the attention and praise is reassuring to the child. Without it, though, the homework is incomplete or filled with mistakes that look like the sloppy, careless work of children with ADHD. Although many children with ADHD can become extremely anxious or frustrated about attention-demanding tasks like schoolwork, anxiety and frustration that interferes with schoolwork or clear thinking is not in itself a sure sign that a child has ADHD.
Children who are living in families under stress also can have ADHD-like problems. Despite a parent's best efforts to keep adult stresses out of their child's life,their child may have "emotional radar" that picks up all the problems in the household. For example, the child of parents who are struggling with their marriage, arguing with each other, or considering divorce may act out the emotional problems of their parents. The child of unhappy, distressed parents might be irritable and argumentative himself. He may have trouble containing his emotions, so blurts out the first thing that comes to mind in a stressful situation. He may seem impulsive and distractible because he doesn't have confidence that problems ever really get solved, so walks away at the first minor frustration. The stressed child might be emotionally needy, so interrupts others without consideration of their feelings.
The longer there is uncertainty or stress in a child's life, the more the child's behavior looks like it is an internal problem of the child. During a two-year struggle in a marriage, a child under 10 years old will live out almost a quarter of his life. A child under stress may end up noticeably behind her peers in social skills because she spent such a large portion of her life feeling ornery, unhappy and confused.
Oftentimes, people who work with children don't feel it is their place to query parents about their personal lives. They may see that a child is suffering from low self-esteem, but know that ADHD can cause problems with self-esteem. They may hear about a divorce after the child's household is divided, but have no knowledge of the years-long struggle that preceded it. If they had helped the child get treatment by pointing out the need for ADHD medications during the difficult years prior to the divorce, who would advocate taking away the medication once the child's life had settled down?
When a parent hears that their child might have ADHD, they need to hear the might in those words. They need to evaluate the stresses in their own lives and the state of their household. They need to evaluate their child's sense of well-being, because they know their child better than anyone does. The news that a child might have ADHD is the "go" light for parents to get moving down the road to better times for their family.
Books, videos, and internet websites on ADHD, stress, divorce, and self-esteem are accessible to anyone with a library card. Pediatricians, family physicians, and school counselors can offer referrals to mental health professionals such as psychiatrists, psychologists and neuropsychologists who diagnose and treat ADHD, as well as stress-related and developmental problems. And parents need to talk with parents. Everywhere there are children, there are parents -- school PTO meetings, soccer games, community support groups and churches. When a parent hears that their child might have ADHD, the might in those words gives them power to make their life and their child's life better.